Blood Bowl 1st Match

Practice Match

It was a clear and pleasant day in the city of Johnstone, banners fluttered in the wind over the Blood Bowl stadium. The boisterous crowds broke the silence, shouting taunts towards the stands. Sir Guy paced concernedly around his box above the stands surrounding the pitch, neither team had appeared yet and the crowds thirsted for blood. The skies above Johnstone cracked as the warp invaded the mortal realm. Ten thousand orcs appeared as if by magic outside the gates, cries of terror from the guards on the walls greeted them, their sergeants appealed for calm as this had been arranged in advance.

Strange horseless chariots carried many of the Orc Boyz into the city, their goblins and snotlings either trudged alongside or rode on the vehicles out of reach of the larger Orcs. The Orcs brandished strange swords, much more well-made than the common Orc choppa and they held stranger guns, many glowing with an inner light.

Aircraft hurled overhead, apparently powered by some sort of silent magic and dropped fireworks over the city.

Captain Jack TeefSnatcher rode on top of his Leman Russ main battle tank, on his custom throne, he was too large to fit through the commander’s hatch. The tank had been taken from the same shrine world where the WaarghRider’s crew had gained their gold pieces. The planet’s many temples stripped of their gold leaf and other treasures before the irreplaceable artifacts had been melted down in the Ark Machanicum that was part of the space hulk.

His lieutenants had mentioned that they would be arriving by teleport, and that a few of their boyz would be joining their team to watch (they may have been a bit vague on the exact numbers). Aun Sch’way, the Tau ambassador and Chaplain Gregorious of the Scarlet Sentinels Space Marine chapter followed in their respective tanks. The thousands of Orcs behind them knew not to attempt to make off with their allies’ possessions, the concept of having allies had been hard to explain at first but the mysterious ship at the heart of the space hulk had helped to explain this. The brain boyz having had to explain their concept to the Space Marines as well.

Sir Guy of Johnstone, with his extremely nervous bodyguards, met the huge Orc outside the stadium. A shuttle dropped into the square next to the stadium and delivered most of the team. A huge squiggaloth bearing a large carriage marched into the square, nervous gretchin and smaller Orcs brought it to a halt in the centre of the square, casually knocking down the statue there. When the handlers in the troop carriers behind had disembarked, they opened the carriage. An incredibly nervous looking troll was corralled out in chains and herded through the crowd of Orcs and humans to the team’s entrance to the stadium.

The Orcs streamed into the stadium, grinning at the humans as they swapped carefully forged (but solid gold) coins for their tickets. A hastily arranged friendly game was organised between Sir Guy’s necromancer team and the Ullanor All Stars, remarkable for Arag the troll attempting to throw a reluctant Belladona down the pitch and dropping the gretchin at his feet.

Before the Orcs could get into a proper brawl on the pitch the Imperial Nobility team of Christoph arrived. Pushing their way through the gretchins guarding the tanks in the square the Imperials swaggered in.

Sir Guy almost feinted with relief as he was able to call back the necromancers before the gretchin could get nasty. The gretchin delegated to being present by the pitch won the coin toss and, not understanding what was going on, let the Imperials receive the ball first. After all it sounded like a good excuse for a fight.

Brian the ogre stood next to the two Imperial bodyguards in the centre of the pitch, the rest of the nobles hovering behind them. Brian’s fist smashed into the surprised face of Hairy Kim, one of the Black Orcs immediately knocking him over. Chaplain Gregorious sniggered as the tough Orcs took quite a beating, Chakotay the substitute gretchin glowered at him. One of the retainer linemen grabbed the ball and got behind a few of his friends.

Arag, Hairy and Teef Paris got into something of a brawl in the centre of the pitch, the humans thinking a bit more tactically began to get through the line of orcs. As they were not escorting the ball the goblins contented themselves by watching them, the Orcs not involved in fights aimed in the general direction of the ball, remembering what had been drilled into them.

Belladonna Torres, still a bit woozy from her near flight, was the first casualty. Getting smashed in the face with a tankard of beer. A couple of snotlings and gretchin carried her off the pitch. She was placed in the tender mercies of one of the ship’s doctors.

In a series of brutal blocks, the Orcs in front of the ball carrier were pushed aside, then the humans were properly inside the Orcs’ side of the pitch and heading for the touchdown zone. Chopa Tuvok woke up and, with the help of the backstop gretchin, beat the ball carrier down. Moldo grabbed the ball, legged it around the humans and ran to Thiefling to pass on the ball. In turn Thiefling legged it into the Noble’s side of the pitch. His success was short-lived, getting knocked out by one of the humans and loosing hold of the ball.

Emboldened by their success the humans ran straight back into Orcs’s side. One of the humans casually strolled into the touchdown zone, flipping the bird at an indignant Chakotay as he arrived. The Orcs were a bit more awake this time, those not involved in the scrap in the centre headed back towards the ball. The ball-carrier had his pretty face bruised by Seb Slammer and lost the ball. The surrounding goblins all failed to catch it and the indignant human who had stood at the end zone helped escort the ball’s new holder towards the endzone. With millimetres to the end-zone to go the goblins took out the ball carrier, causing gasps from the crowd. As more Orcs arrived the humans mounted a desperate last attempt to take the ball back before half time was called. The goblin in front of the ball was pushed out of the way, the human attempted to grab the ball but fumbled it and dropped it just shy of the line. The bell tolled signalling half-time and the Orcs sighed with relief.

Aun Sch’way leaned over to TeefSnatcher and, in a stage whisper, said, “I think that the aim of the game is to get the ball to the end of your opponent’s side, not watch your opponents run around with it.”

“Thank you for that Ambassador,” TeefSnatcher replied, to his earpiece he said. “Stop being so parochial, you’re Orcs get into their side of the pitch and stop laying down on the job.”

The bell tolled again and the ball dropped into the goblin’s side of the pitch. Chakotay quickly grabbed it, having been released from the substitute section while the other two remained knocked out or injured, while the remaining two advanced forward. Arag went to punch Brian and promptly went down as the Ogre sucker punched him. Groans went up from the Orc crowd and cheers greeted it from the human supporters. The Nobles took advantage of the shock and pushed into the Orcs, taking them by surprise.

The gretchin advanced behind the Orcs trying to use them for protection as they tried to sneak around the right-hand flank. The Nobles who had snuck behind the Orcs’ left and those to the right began beating up the goblins. The brawl surrounded the unconscious Troll who snoozed forgotten amongst them. Not sure what was going on, the Ogre stood bone-headedly in the scrap. The humans on the left thinking that they were so smart, got their comeuppance as the Orcs in charge of that side woke up to the threat and started attacking them.

One of the humans managed to grab hold of the ball. A swift kick to the crotch from Moldo swiftly relieved him of it. The ball was fumbled in a conga line by the players, as all were distracted by the fight, the Ogre getting knocked on the head by it and it lay behind him.

The humans tried to make a break for the ball, but many were twirled around in their fights with the Orcs. Moldo got up and stamped on one of the humans knocking him out. The troll finally managed to stand up, Hairy Kim bashing his way back to him to whisper instructions into his ear and Arag smashed one of the humans, causing such injury that it was announced that he wouldn’t be playing next match. One of the humans grabbed the ball and they started legging it back round into the Orc’s side of the pitch.

The Orcs this time listened to the instructions in their comm beads and a couple disengaged from the brawl. The humans having passed the ball further into their territory. Backed up by the gretchin, Tuvok pushed the ball carrier off the pitch.

Chaplain Gregorious sent Brother Remus to boot the ball back onto the pitch, it landed near the scrum at the centre of the pitch.

Teef Paris concluded the fight he had been having with Gimli on and off since the first kick-off. Moldo, henceforth to be known as Robbie Fouler, gave him a summary kick to the jaw. Gaunt Glower, one of the Black Orcs was carried off by the Snotlings, having been knocked out in the brawl. The Ogre disengaged from the fight to try to protect the ball. However, the Orcs and gretchin were now on something of a roll, with the bigger Black Orcs laying out the humans and then the gretchin stopping them getting back up. Chakotay grabbed the ball and started running for the touchdown zone. He was swiftly tripped by one of the few humans, they ran a desperate defence as they tried to wrestle back control of the ball. But Arag was now awake and listening to Hairy Kim’s instructions and the Black Orcs kept them busy while Chakotay got up and made a final run for the touchdown zone. Neatly placing the ball down just over the line. The final three conscious humans decided that they would rather not donate their teeth to Robbie Fouler, who along with Klepto Janeway had reaped a fearsome tally of the humans downed by the Black Orcs.

“And that gentlemen is Blood Bowl,” Captain Jack said, flourishing his hat at the enraged Christoph D’Ancy. Sir Guy gave him an incredulous look.

Blood Bowl

On the fields outside Johnstone the Orcs celebrated with the nervous townsfolk. The Tau and Space Marines joining TeefSnatcher and his Lieutenants for a conference of their next steps. As it got dark the warp breached open and in a blinding flash of light the Orcs, Tau and Space Marines vanished into the sky.